When We Worship...

Today is the 19th of September. It's been exactly one month since I left yet another part of my life behind and stepped into this newest development. A lot can happen in a month - sometimes so much happens in a month that it's not even possible to sum up. This month hasn't been one of those. There has been one thing that has happened this month, and it can easily be put into a few sentences. Actually, one.

Jesus loves me.

No, I'm serious. I come to Bible school to learn about philosophy, how to argue theology and open dusty textbooks and what do I find? God strips me of everything I thought I knew and brings me back to the basics.

Beyond everything, my life is about my relationship with my creator. Why is it so hard for me to remember that? Why does He have to keep reminding me that it's not about what I can or cannot bring to the table? Was the heart analogy not obvious enough? Do we need another one?

Last night, I had a conversation with someone I once thought of as a child. Within an hour, I came to understand that the human being before me had transformed from the caterpillar it was when we first met, to the cacoon it hid in for far too long, to the beautiful butterfly I have the privilege to watch spread its brilliant, turquoise wings and attempt to fly.

This is the God I believe in. An artist, painting tragedy and love into each life as we struggle to find our colors on the fabulous canvas of life. A conductor, slowly drawing each new note from a thousand different instruments as a melody unfolds. An author, able to put together a novel of infinite detail, unmatched mystery and inconceivable romance.

God is ever so slowly, ever so steadily showing me what it means to be loved. What perfection is and how it fits into a corrupt and wicked world. He's teaching me what it means to be taught and helping me learn what it means to learn. He is removing Himself from the position of teacher - a position He's always held in my life - and forcing me to accept correction from the people He puts in my life. Which, if you did not know, is a hundred times more difficult to accept.

I breathe and I learn something new. I listen and I hear something I've never heard before. I watch and I see things I'd never noticed before. I love and I find that I have never loved before. I am taught who God is and I realize I will never know enough. Clocking in, studying for a test, how to pronounce 'YHWH', finding cookies in my ice cream, doing French manicures the Mexican way and shocking an entire hall of girls because I know the lyrics to a country love song.

This is life. This is the life I cry, laugh, praise and pout my way through. This is the greatest gift God gave me - the ability to live without the imminent death that would inevitably come. We talk about Jesus, God's gift to man. But do we remember that He died so we could live? Live each day, being happy just because we can. Why does everything have to be so deep and mysterious?

Today I'm happy because God chose me to be one of one thousand students enrolled in this particular school. I'm happy because He chose me to be one out of three hundred people to hear one particular pastor speak on one particular topic. I'm happy because it was me out of a couple dozen people that got strawberries for lunch. I'm happy because I can be. Because I want to be. Because He allowed me to be.

Plus, it's Pirates Day. Which is enough in itself.