Nye. I did it. AGAIN.
I love how each December 1st I promise myself I'll never do it ever ever ever again and it's not long before I'm counting down the months to when I can once again pour my brains out onto a blank Word document. Woe is me.
This year was a bit different, though. Because of the encouragement (they would have held me at gun point if I hadn't finally agreed) of several people who I respect (am significantly terrified of their wrath), I decided not only to do NaNo this year, but to write it about my life. So I did. And I arrived at 50,000 words and about age 10 last night, a couple hours before the universal deadline came upon me.
It was hard work. A lot of unexpected tears were cried, a lot of memories I had locked away - both bad and surprisingly good. It's amazing what a mind can do when it has a bit too much information to work with. =O But anyway. God really taught me a lot over the past month. Things about myself, my family, and most importantly, Himself. My perspective on who I am and the stuff He's brought me through has twitched slightly to a more uplifting light. And I'm grateful to all those who walked beside me and held my hand as I trudged down memory lane these past 30 days.
As much as I'd like to deny it, I've also learned something about my personality and how I let my life be run by my own goals and my own definition of what I am or am not capable of. Most of the time, I'm right - but apparently I've been looking at it all wrong. Maybe the 'Achiever' part of me (I love that class, don't you?) really does have something to do with how hard I am on myself. And it just might be possible that God made me for other reasons than to beat up on who I am and never be at all satisfied with anything I could ever do.
Except, of course, completing NaNoWriMo for the third year in a row. This, my friends, is a tradition I plan to continue for as long as I am capable. And trust me, I'm finally convinced that I am (at least this time) capable of finishing what I started. And maybe (I said maybe) not just during ridiculous, month-long deadlines that force me into finishing. Maybe just because I'm me and that is enough.
I serve a patient and loving God who has yet to fail me. I was reminded of that as I wrote through late nights and even later nights when I should have been studying for Old Testament exams the next morning. My life really is one big book with the word 'mine' stamped on the front. And my hope is that each time I, or anyone else, see that book, I'm reminded of just how great He is and how perfect His timing is. And maybe when I'm old and crabby, I'll have an even thicker book sitting on the shelf.
But for right now, it's enough that I can set my past not only behind me, but before me. Taking from it every God-given lesson I can and running with it. Pressing on toward the finish line and into the arms of the One who will never stop waiting for me. And if I have a few heart attacks on the way, oh well. I guess that happens when you're in a marathon.
As you go into the next few months of festivities, remember that for me, would you? Remember why you wake up each morning and put on your running shoes. For the past, for the future. For every new day we have the privilege to wake up to. It's as though God has handed us the paintbrush and told us paint Him a picture. What colors are going on your canvas today?
Merry Christmas, everyone.
