Until something does, and you realize very abruptly that you *were* tired enough to sleep and you *did* want to. And then you arrive at your destination and you're expected to somehow entertain people with stories of afar before you're given any sustenance or even so much as a bathroom break. And then when 11 pm or midnight finally does come along, and just about everyone in their right mind (and out, obviously, because you're including the people around you) has decided it'd be okay for you to be allowed to see your place of rest for the night... you realize you're more awake now than you've ever been in your life and you couldn't *possibly* be expected to just go to sleep after a day like that.
This is why I love my life so very, very much. It's days like today that remind me exactly why I adore traveling, visiting, moving, sightseeing, trailblazing, and babysitting all in one breath so much. It's like a breeze down your back after you've been slaving over the weeds for the past two hours. Like the smell of fresh bread being baked in an oven, knowing that you'll be putting those smells into your mouth ever so soon to be turned into delectable textures that ooze down your throat with some homemade strawberry jam.
God took me through a year of Bible school. I graduated with a shocking GPA (nevermind what kind of shocking we mean here) and am currently enrolled at a wonderful(ly free) college in Kentucky for the fall. I'm so pleased to be able to look back on the past year and know that it was 0.00% me and every inch of the 100% God that has brought me to the green couch I am currently lounging on with three fans pointed directly at me.
In two weeks I'll once again be on a bus headed into Mexico, a direction both familiar and yet so radically different than I ever expected. I'm going home for the summer, packing my bags and heading back to where it all began. The combined sense of relief, awe, and ecstasy I feel is unexplainable. Let us just say that God is a *very* big God.
I did what the doctors said I could never do.
I spent an entire year somewhere without moving.
I have a permanent address.
I found an old friend and made a new one.
I am certified to be a missionary with any mission board across the world.
I am going to college.
I am going back to Mexico for a few months to be with my family.
My life is not and has never been my own. Some days I am more okay with this fact than others. Today is one of those days where everything just feels a lot better when I realize that it never was my decision to make, my responsibility to fix, my problem to undo. It's just me - another set of features in a sea of faces. This one just happens to be smiling a lot more lately than some.
My hope is that someday, somewhere, someone will look at my life and see what continues to take me so long to notice. That God chose me, formed me, loved me, saved me, and guided me every step of the way, from the nanosecond I was conceived to the very last breath I breathe. That for some reason, His reason, He picked me for all of this. And then He held my hand while He lead me through each and every obstacle.
And maybe somewhere in there, someone will notice that He can do it for them, too. 2 Corinthians 4.
